chivalrouswench | Inbox (In the Night)

A good thing.

[ Brienne doesn't think very highly of her own heart. Such a fragile thing, so easily broken by the petty cruelties of the world. ]

Don't make too much of this. I will not say I'm sorry to hear he is dead.

[ Or that she is even particularly bothered by the accusation, much as it remains very much untrue. ]

How long since you ate anything? Or slept?

I wish we had found something else to have in common.

⟪ It is a mirror of what they spoke of, when they spoke of Renly's death. It had to be done, in her eyes, and so she had seen that it was –– and that had had consequences for more than just the false king. ⟫

I do not require much sleep. ⟪ When did she eat, though? Not that she has to do that, either, but she's much less keen to admit that. ⟫ I... don't know. Not long. ⟪ It's the face of math. ⟫ A handful of days, mayhaps.

[ Brienne knows how Melisandre felt about Stannis, and some part of her does feel a kind of grim satisfaction that the priestess now knows how she has felt since Renly died in her arms. It is an ugly thing to feel, but there it is.

As for the rest, a few days? Has this woman no sense? ]

I will fetch you something from downstairs, and you will eat it.

[ It's an order, plain and simple. She has seen this kind of despair before, not in herself, not even after Renly, but in Jaime after they took his sword hand from him. She has seen how it can make people neglect themselves to the point of death. ]

⟪ She only nods, too taken aback by the sharp tone of the order to voice an opposing opinion. There is a warrior hiding in the sweet girl, she's known that, but she hadn't seen it before. ⟫

Yes.

⟪ The worst part is Brienne leaving, the fickle distraction gone. To be alone with her thoughts is not always an easy thing, but right now, it feels like an impossibility. It's grief for Stannis, and for Devan, and for the world that is sure to fall to pieces, even though the latter had never held much love for her. It was never about that. ⟫

[ Brienne returns quickly enough, bearing a tray that has a bowl of broth and some bread on it, as well as a pitcher of water. If it's been a while since Melisandre ate it's best not to serve her something too rich. It might make her throw it all back up again.

She sets the tray down on the small table she is very grateful to have, since it means she can have her meals alone comfortably when she doesn't feel like risking any chance conversation in the communal areas. ]

Here. You will not serve him better by starving.

[ She takes a seat as well, clearly not intending to leave Melisandre out of her sight until she has her meal. ]

When Renly died, I would have tried to get to Stannis that night had Lady Catelyn not stopped me.

[ To make it even more clear that she would have owned the deed har Arya Stark's claim been true, and also perhaps to let the red woman know that she does understand some of the urge to self-destruct through grief after all. ]

Edited 2019-07-15 21:35 (UTC)

⟪ In a way, Stannis' spirit is alive and well in this very room, and it's a thought that might amuse her later, but right now, there's no space for that sort of feeling. ⟫

That would have been unwise.

⟪ But she gets the point, and takes up a spoon to have a little bit of broth. ⟫

I know I –– we, Stannis and I –– did a cruel thing to you.

[ What can she even say to that? Yes, it was cruel. It was dishonourable, monstrous. She should be strangling this woman with her bare hands, not feeding her and listening to her troubles.

Then again: What would she have done, if Renly had given her the task to steal into Stannis' tent to cut him down? Would she have denied an order from her beloved king, even such a distasteful one? ]

War makes monsters of us all.

[ Mel, having witnessed Brienne's trial and death, might remember the words spoken by Thoros of Myr. ]

Edited 2019-07-16 00:18 (UTC)

It is hard to be just in a war.

⟪ She speaks of her own, of course, the one she has fought for several centuries now, one way or another. After seeing Brienne's 'trial', she has little doubt the girl's own perception of justice has changed. ⟫

And that does not even consider how unjust the law itself can be.

I wonder if there are any laws here.

[ She feels as if there might be, and they simply haven't been taught them, and she likes that not at all. ]

I suppose much like with everything else, we will have to make our own.

⟪ The thought isn't a negative one, not really, but she still sounds as exhausted as she feels. ⟫

This is not unlike Asshai, which... There is a reason few adventurers return.

Stannis must have been... reassuring, by comparison.

[ From what she has heard, Stannis would never dream of making up his own laws.

Then again, he did stab a man in the back with a shadow blade. ]

All my life I watched my back. And yet him I trusted, fully armed in the dead of night atop a Wall of Ice with the Other approaching by the hour.

⟪ Reassuring doesn't begin to cover it. ⟫

This is what you thought of Renly, is it not?

[ Brienne nods, and while anger still lives in her, it is a little easier to contain it now. She knows what it is to serve one you love after all. She knows how all-consuming a thing it is. How much one might do for such a ruler. ]

It is.

[ Not an admission she has given to many, though Melisandre is not the first to know how Brienne felt about Renly. ]

⟪ Here is the funny part: while Melisandre fully understands that Brienne loved Renly, she does not in the least draw a single conclusion about herself. ⟫

I thought we might win the War for the Dawn this way. The armies of the Other are beyond what any of us can imagine. I spoke with ones who have seen them – they move faster than the eye can see, and steel simply bursts when it touches them, no damage done. This is what we are up against –– what we were up against. If they win this one war, they will leave no one alive in their wake.

[ Brienne might be able to help. ]

Then I suppose I must hope that you were right.

[ At least that way, Renly's death would be for something that matters. ]

It makes no difference. Stannis is dead. Azor Ahai is gone. This battle is lost before it started.

⟪ She looks at her broth as if it's personally responsible for the loss. ⟫

Dead by my hand, apparently. I must possess more power than I ever knew, to hang for treason and sit here with you, and yet somehow also be in Winterfell to execute Stannis.

[ She breaks off a piece of bread and holds it out for Melisandre to take. ]

If I can be alive and dead at once, why not him?

⟪ She makes a noise like a stifled laugh, and takes the piece of bread to eat and not question if Brienne has just unlocked a sense of humour in the both of them. ⟫

I did not mean to accuse you, I just –– I had to.

⟪ The way Brienne had to face her, when they both arrived here. ⟫

It's not the first, either. The Stark girl insists I met her when she was younger, accused me of buying a boy for some vague purpose, all manner of things, none which add up. Jon Snow says I rode with Stannis and his wife and his daughter to battle for Winterfell, when Stannis only ever rode for Deepwood Motte and I was left at the Wall. Selyse and the princess Shireen are at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, miles from either of us ––

⟪ She chews on her bread. ⟫ She says you told her of the execution at Winterfell, but where I saw you killed was nowhere near that.

I understand.

[ She privately thinks it was rather rich of Melisandre to come hunting her down considering her condescending attitude toward Brienne's own anger, but all the same she understands. ]

Jon Snow also expected me to be at Winterfell, together with his sister of all people.

But our stories align, don't they? Jon Snow and his sister seem to be generally in agreement ––

⟪ She stops, not sure where she is going. ⟫

This place is doing something, but it is unlike all I have ever seen.

It is far beyond what I am able to understand.

[ There are people in this place from strange times and places, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it at all.]

If they are not simply lying to us. That I am rather familiar with.

You have been lied to?

⟪ It feels like a dumb question –– people lie as soon as they open their mouths most all the time, but still, it feels... odd to direct such a habit at this girl in particular. ⟫

[ Brienne takes a piece of bread and starts picking it apart with her thick fingers. ]

You're surprised?

You brought me food. I am among the people you hate most in the world, and you are feeding me and talking me through the worst day of my... ah... death?

⟪ she fumbles with her bread. ⟫

To lie to you seems unusually cruel.

[ Brienne shrugs, dismissing her own kindness. ]

My actions have never counted for much in the eyes of most people.

[ She is ugly, and that is where the story ends. ]

Edited 2019-07-19 11:35 (UTC)

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